This session began with a reduced cast.  The thief, ranger, and paladin had real-life events to deal with.  Slackards!  Poof!  They never existed in our little slice of an alternate reality.  PMS (player missing syndrome erupted.

We dug a few and gold from the magical bonfires that the devil detectives had turned into upon death. We then made our way to the Valaki encampment, only to get challenged by the guards. They were alert due to the camp being attacked by a massive tiger. Apparently, an undead hunter (who’s camp/tower we had found earlier) had sicked his pet tiger onto the gypsy camp and it had done some damage before it was slain. I am unclear how many, if any, died but they did express appreciation for how nice the fur coat was.  We idled a few minutes testing if this was a magical beast or were-beast but all clues pointed to it being a normal, if large, animal.

Later we headed off to find the Mad Wizard on the other side of the lake. We immediately got distracted by a sign from Blynsky’s Toys stating it was giving tours of the lake. Over this poster was a sign saying it was closed due to issues. We guessed the issues involved a sea monster with aspirations to godhood. The one that we had fought before when it tried to eat the ungrateful smart aleck gypsy girl.

So, the barbarian did some rituals to allow him to commune with nature and found there was an island a few miles off. We talked about exploring it but couldn’t think of a reasonable way to bring the entire party. Ideas like shoving everyone into the portable hole and having the monk (me) fly over prolificated but the cowards were concerned over minor issues such as suffocation.  Obviously, the real men who knew how to take a few teeny risks were out this night.  Back to finding the wizard! We shortly found a lone tree in a clearing surrounded by ravens watching it. The barbarian did another ritual to speak with animals and we found out it was a tree of life. Or perhaps THE tree of life. It wasn’t clear. He talked to a few other animals but got nothing more relevant except animal type stream of thoughts.

Patrina volunteered to go and explore the tree, apparently wanting to be a real girl. Or come to life, despite the fact this would then mean she couldn’t live in her hole or create more wine. She tried communing with it, then communed with spirits. The barbarian communed with nature. I thought I was surrounded by hippies. Nevertheless, he discovered that the tree was actually two trees merged together with one of them dormant. We didn't get anything more out of the experience, so we decided to leave and maybe come back later when we had a better clue on how to proceed.

Off to see the wizard again!  We had barely resumed our journey when we heard a hunting horn throughout our journey. We also found we were being stalked by a giant wolf.  Perhaps invisible, since we only saw indirect signs it was there. Soon we found ourselves surrounded by a giant with more than ten dire wolves. He demanded to eat Lord Q in order to let us go. Naturally, we found this reasonable but decided to kill him anyway. Knowing Patrina would be out next game we initiated combat so she could get one attack out. Patrina did some sort of sickening cloud zone and we fought for one round, then 2, then almost 3, killed several wolves, and found the giant was planting fog banks around us to obstruct our vision.   The dead wolves formed ghost wolves that in turn merged and formed a swarm of wolf spirits.  The giant is pulling out legendary actions, so it's a decent-sized villain.

Before the combat, aside from some bluster, we found that the giant’s daughters had been kidnapped by Baba Lisaga. Telling him we killed her didn’t buy any goodwill, but we found that his daughter's name coincidentally matched our horses, Petunia and Daisy. A clue!  A clue no one understood but a clue nonetheless.

We started as we ended, surrounded by Dire Wolves and Wolf Spirit Swarms with a legendary Fog Giant lurking in a fog cloud.  The only change was that the battered wizard was replaced by a fresh ranger due to player attendance.  For the most part, the wolves continued to attack who they were attacking last time.  With the tight quarters and the swarms on top of people, it was hard to see and target.  When the Giant finally went, he crit and then hit Loki.  He took 70 hit points and was down to 12 before he ever even got a chance to act.  So much for being fresh.  Brian critted 3 times in that first round at which point we had very little chance of surviving.  Duke Q only survived long enough to get in one action since he got racked last time.  Loki disengaged and fled into the forest. 

So, we fought on.  Kharn beat on Dire Wolves recklessly against which he at least did full damage.  The Swarms were immune to cold and resistant to weapons so he did less than half damage to them.  Kaladin could make his hands a fire attack, thus getting full damage, so he worked on those.  We found that a Swarm formed each time 4 Dire Wolves were killed.  Loki used his bonus action to Hide using his cloak.  That diminished his damage output but kept him alive.  The Giant spent an action casting Fly and then came after Kaladin.  The Monk fought bravely, hoping for a successful stun attack but to no avail.  Unfortunately, his usual hit and fly tactics would not work against a Giant with reach, flying 60.  Kharn got a berry into Duke Q and they fought Dire Wolves.  One of the Swarms tried to find Loki but he was rolling just enough on his Stealth roll to evade it.  So, much like the fight against the demons, we were whittling down the minions but doing nothing against the villain.  Another invisible flying legendary villain, by the way.

So, then Kaladin finally went down.  Plummeting to the earth with an automatic death fail.  Loki rushed to his aid, once again hiding from the Giant.  The Giant then moved 60 and exactly got into hand to hand with Kharn.  He survived the first hit but not the second.  At that point, we had 2 players with 1 hit point, 1 with 0, and 1 with 12.  Parley? At the other players' insistence, Duke Q started to talk.  He congratulated the Giant on his excellent fighting prowess and suggested we simply go our separate ways as equal forces.  That, of course, was mostly a bluff since he’d been barely touched and we were mostly dead.  However, we did take out 15 of his 16 Dire Wolves.  As payment, he demanded both Duke Q’s and Kharn’s great swords, being a great sword user himself.  Q told him that we needed the frost brand if we were ever to defeat Strahdanya.  That did not move him however he did ask for a counteroffer.  After the email exchange about miscellaneous magic items that we might have forgotten about, people started offering their “junk”.  However, Kharn’s useless Wand of Conducting was argued to be of actual interest to a Giant.  A magic stick that made music.  A poor Persuasion roll was inspired into a better roll and the deal was made.  We traded Duke Q’s backup weapon and a magic item we’d never use, for our lives.  A fair trade.  Thus ended another ass-kicking encounter.

As we took a short rest, we debated following him so that we could avenge our loss (after a long rest and with a bigger party).  But since he was flying, we’d be tracking a single Dire Wolf which seemed highly unlikely.  And the last thing we wanted was to find him too early.  So, we quickly gave up on that idea.  We pressed on, reaching a river feeding into the lake.  The current was a little too swift to swim (67% on a d100), despite two swimmers, a flyer, and a super athlete in the party.  We decided to have Kaladin fly a rope across the chasm.  Brian wanted a “rope skill” roll and opened it up for what DnD skill that might be.  While suggestions were thrown about, Dan created a Rope Use skill on his character sheet and rolled an 18.  (The old Captain Kirk cheater method.)  Brian let that stand but demanded a similar roll to untie the superior knot and save the rope.  He rolled a 17 and we moved on.

We came across a bigger, steeper river just before nightfall.  We took a long rest.  Kharn did his Commune with Nature ritual and could sense a small hut on the other side.  And a lower-than-normal population of fish and animals in the area.  In the morning, we were told it was too far across to use the rope this time.  We almost swam in the lake to get around but people were worried about that Lake Demon.  It would be a 30-minute swim.  We chose to go upstream to look for a better place to cross.  It was hilly and rocky so we had to do some climbing.  But again, Loki had a climb speed, Kaladin could fly, DQ could Levitate and Kharn has a +many climbing roll.  So, no problem except that we passed a cave along the way. 

From it, 11 Swarms of Bats emerged and attacked.  Again, we were doing half damage but we didn’t have too much trouble.  Once half were dispersed, they went back into the cave.  Meanwhile, Kharn who was fighting in the cave entrance for better footing thought he heard something big and clawed in there.  Kaladin noticed that the stone was unnaturally flattened, as if it had been melted by great heat.  And at the end, Loki noticed claw scrapes at the entrance as if something had been climbing out of it for decades.  So, likely a Red Dragon.  We debated stopping there so that we could go in with a fuller party, however, a good Arcana roll from our Dragonborne revealed that based on the claw width, we’re talking about a massive (i.e. ancient) sized Dragon.  We decided to run away (quietly) like little girls and move on.  So, yet another unbeatable foe.  When we first arrived in this realm, Kharn warned us to stay on the road and avoid the wilderness.  After a legendary Fog Giant and an Ancient Red Dragon, it appears he was right.  I think we stopped there.  I don’t remember if we crossed the river or not.  We did not level up but we didn’t really do anything either.        

Now across the last river, we came upon the structure Kharn had sensed with his Commune with Nature.  It turned out to be a gazebo.  The players approached it with caution, as usual.  It appeared to be a relaxing place for tea and quiet contemplation.  Once close enough, we noted a magical glimmer that turned out to be a portal.  On the other side was a mansion in a pocket dimension.  Our hales were unanswered so Loki decided to ring the little bell on the table.  A wise wizard appeared.  Despite the “mad wizard” rumors, he seemed quite pleasant.  He served coffee and donuts.  Or his invisible staff did.  What followed was a big exchange of information.  His name was Mord, as in Mordenkainen’s Magnificent Mansion.  He did fight and defeat Stradanya however he found himself still trapped and she came back a couple days later.  Since then, he has been laying low, working on long-term research on how better to defeat her.  We told him our ideas, she’s being supported/trapped by dark powers that prevent her from being killed.  Killing them first, possible with her help seemed reasonable to him.   “Good luck with that”

And then a whole bunch more stuff, some of which I’m sure I’ll forget.  We showed him her diary which he made a magical copy of.  We asked about the Amber Temple to the south where we’re led to believe these dark powers reside.  He thought it sounded dangerous.  We offer to fetch him anything that might speed up his 4–5-year research timeline.  Head of a gorgon, broom of the wicked witch, etc.  But he was only interested in information.  He did mention that he’d recently constructed a factory in the middle of the lake for the toy company.  But would reveal nothing about it.  That was a common theme.  Helpful but not really.  Confirming what we already suspected but not really adding much.  He did tell us that the giant gem in her castle we saw at our last dinner with her, was holding part of her soul and so destroying it might be helpful.  He had seen no evidence of a red dragon in the area, by the way.  Nor any knowledge on the Tree of Life.  Our requests for spells or items to aid in our noble quest were denied with his increasing annoyance.  He did say that his Staff of Power was lost during his fight and if we retrieved it, we could use that.  He gave us the command word.  It should be at the bottom of a 1000-foot falls near her castle.  That shot up to the top of our to-do list.  Eventually, we just had to stop and move on.

He did offer to loan us a boat to sail back across the river.  And to make us invisible since we feared the lake monster.  (But no information on it, of course.)  We reluctantly took him up on that.  The boat turned out to be a Folding Boat but the small one only held 4 mediums “comfortably” and the large was a bit large for this lake.  We sailed south and saw the island factory castle.  After some debate, we decided to take advantage of being invisible and go check it out.  We assume it was using enslaved child labor or some other evil.  Loki cast Pass Without Trace but that didn’t really do us any good.  There was only one door and once approached, it opened automatically with great fanfare.  Inside was a toy factory in disarray.  There were two bodies, a floating fluff, a giant stuffed pink octopus, and various toy making stuff.  An Arcana roll from Lady Petrina identified the fluff as a psychic Underdark dweller of generally peaceful intent.  We were slowed by role-playing the fact that we were all invisible but eventually Kharn moved up to examine a body.  He ended up slicing it open to prove it was not an elaborate doll.  And then a swarm of army ants emerged and attacked him.  About half of us were surprised.  How, I cannot fathom since every new building attacks us.  Initiative was rolled.

The swarm was formidable although it did not take half damage for a change.  It did carry Kharn away 15 feet a round without a grapple or anything.  And, of course, there was a second swarm in the other body.  (They turned out to be toys, too.)  And the pink octopus attacked as well with multiple attacks, a big reach, and a ton of hit points.  And free grapples, of course.  Ezra crit it with a 2^nd level smite and barely dented it.  During all that, Loki was getting thoughts, via GM only chat, from someone claiming to be stuck in costume.  That turned out to be a gnome customer stuck in the fluff costume.  He used an action to free her so that reduced our targets by one.  And then the octopus unleashed an AOE blast.  All but Loki saved and he was instantly incapacitated with stuffing down his throat.  That was a little dicey since he was still invisible.  But he managed to save the next round.  I think only Patrina took any serious damage but we won without too much effort.

The gnome said she and others had come over on the tour.  She had gotten stuck in the costume when all hell broke loose.  Loki used his Detect Magic wand since BQ was under the weather but it didn’t do much good.  All kinds of things were magical in here.  What we needed was a Wand of Detect Useful Magic.  Kharn grabbed the costume and put it on.  Basically, it polymorphed you into a flying fluff.  But you had to attack with its meager attack and it only moved 30 so not that useful.  Whether it had telepathy or not was yet to be proven.  It’s probably more useful as an out-of-combat thing.  Maybe to allow a non-sneaker to sneak? We also found a Magic 8 ball.  We stopped there with the rest of the factory to investigate.  The gnome was unsure how many were on the tour and there may be employees to rescue as well.  And a puppet master at the end? Or maybe it was just a magical mishap.  Next time.  Assuming we survive, I think we were going to swing by the Tree of Life again and then back to Valaki.  I suspect the promise of a Staff of Power will divert/delay any Valaki regime-changing plans.                                                                     

We looked around the first room a bit more, hoping to find something useful.  Eventually, we had enough players and opened a door to the north.  The room had 3 more doors plus a trap door in the floor.  We opened that one and it was a very tight spiral staircase down.  Loki went down and met Mr. Fitzbottoms who was a talking dog.  He was one of the head toy designers.  Evidently, when Blitzsky’s pet money Piccolo went nuts and took over the factory, he hid down in his office.  Kharn came down as well and tried to extract something useful out of this dog but we got very little.  We did re-examine two more costumes upstairs.  Kaladin put on the Fireball one which sort of turned him into a low-power Flaming Sphere.  It did come with 60 feet of True Sight which might be useful.  Patrina just shoved the Owlbear one into her portable hole.  We moved on.  The next door led to the employee lounge.  It had two snake-stuffed animals which attacked, of course.  That fight bogged down as Brian created costumed characters to Kharn and Kaladin.  The snakes weren’t too tough although Brian was playing a little loose with the rules to make a ridiculous fight into something annoying as well.    

In a broom closet were two gnome employees that were taking a nap.  That led to a more annoying conversation that amused the DM but led to nothing useful.  They did say that Piccolo was likely in the tower with Blitzsky.  We did pick up a magical microwave although we should probably return it.  The next door led to a store room in which were two boxing marionettes, looking for a fight.  Ezra won initiative for a change and simply closed the door.  With boxing gloves for hands, they could not open it.  The next room north had a bunch of workbenches.  In the far corner, a barricade had been built.  An old man and his grandson were making a stand using toy pop guns.  Loki tried to convince them that we were not crazed toys but was a tough sell from a talking raccoon.  He rolled bad on his Persuasion roll.  Dead-looking Patrina fared no better.  But other than a couple pot shots, we just ignored them.

The next room had a big fancy door with two imposing wooden guards and letters on the titles on the floor.  “Jon puzzle”!  Unfortunately, the letters meant nothing to Loki who can’t read.  When Patrina came up, they were attacked by two stuffed spiders from the ceiling.  They were dispatched quick enough.  Rather than lose his rage, Kharn charged into the puzzle room.  The first tile was okay but the next triggered a tickle trap and the guards.  The trap did minimal damage on a failed save but more importantly allowed a free attack by the guards.  It was mostly chaos with extra attacks and infinite traps and such.  Kharn grabbed one of them and tried to pull it out of the room but it would not come out.  Around turn 2-3, Paul figured out the puzzle.  It was “is no fun” as in the company motto, “if it no Blitzsky, it no fun”.  However, the guards were in the way now.  Ezra managed to shield bash one aside and Patrina finished the pattern.  At that point, the guards reset and the door opened. 

This led to a circular room (tower?) with more toy stuff.  Nothing attacked for a change.  We did note that one of the cabinets had a jewelry box that was open and empty.  In the back was a small chamber with a lever labeled Up and Down.  We went up in two shifts and found Blintzsky lying on his bed.  When addressed, he whispered about the giant snake Piccolo had put on his chest.  We could not see it.  With some rolls, we decided it was in his head.  Eventually, Patrina cast Dispel Magic and he recovered.  He said that Piccolo had put on a magic tiara and gone crazy.  Casting major spells.  He was likely one level up.  We tried to get more information out of him but we didn’t get much.  Maybe we should have taken a short rest before the boss battle although hit points would not be the problem.  This first problem was that we all couldn’t fit in the elevator.  However, if Patrina got in her Portable Hole, Kharn got into his Flumph costume we could all fit, barely.  Duke Q and Ambrus were not in attendance.  We went up.

So, we faced a relatively small room.  The monkey was on the far side wearing the tiara.  On one side was an animated wooden baboon and on the other, an animated wooden knight.  Kaladin went first but had to use his action to open the portable hole.  He then moved up and used a Ki point to Dodge.  Loki went next and decided to roll the dice.  He used a bonus action to invoke Nature’s Veil and then invisibly move across the room and snatch the tiara.  Unfortunately, by avoiding the minions, he stepped on the carpet which animated as well.  It had surprise, which negated the disadvantage for Loki being invisible.  But it missed.  It did hit with a tail attack.  Luckily, this power did not have a concentration roll.  He was poised to make a grab for the tiara when the DM took a retroactive play action.  The monkey had portent dice so that missed grapple was actually a hit.  The rug wrapped around Loki’s head, blinding him and doing 20+ damage.  Since he couldn’t see where he was going, he spent his action trying to get the rug off.  It was a DC 16 strength roll.  Not a save or athletics, which he had both, but straight-up STR.  With a +2, it was a tough roll.  He rolled a 3+2=5, spent an inspiration and rerolled another 3.

Kharn spent his action getting out of the costume.  The monkey used one of its 3 legendary actions to cast a Mord’s Sword which carved him up.  (He’s not resistant to force damage.)  Patrina went and cast Force Wall around the monkey, figuring if we could isolate it, maybe we could take out the minions.  However, the monkey Counterspelled it with the exact roll it needed.  It then cast an 8^th level Maze on Patrina.  That put her in a pocket dimension (no save) that required a 20 INT check to exit.  At least he lost his Mord Sword to do it.  The rug did a fear scream that affected Kharn and then did more damage to Loki.  Lastly, Ezra finally got to go.  He hit the knight, bashed it back and then moved up to get more friends into his protective aura.  So, at the end of round one, Loki and Patrina were neutralized and the group was down half our hit points.  Meanwhile, we had done almost nothing to them.  Sound familiar? Those legendary actions are tough to take because we feel so helpless as the villain went over and over.

Kaladin went first in round two.  He ran up and hit and then stunned the monkey.  Its portent would not save him this time.  We argued about whether stun broke concentration (Dan: He didn't realize that FG said that the concentration was broken.  It was only afterward when Patrina was still stuck in a maze that this came up.  After ruling the first blow didn't break concentration he rolled again on the second and THAT also broke concentration... which he negated through his portent.  At least he was out of portents at that point.)  and Brian ruled that it didn’t.  However, the next attack did drop it but he used a portent die to make that save.  Brian said it would take a full attack action and not an extra attack to pull off the tiara.  (It had tendrils into its head so it wasn’t easy.)  Loki got the chance to roll another 3 and then Kaladin used an inspiration to give him another roll.  An 11 this time.  Next was the baboon who critted Kaladin and dropped him.  Luckily, the stun was not concentration.  It then hit Kharn but he still stood.  Next was Kharn, who was standing next to the monkey.  But he was feared so his options were limited.  However, Ezra had moved up and his allies were immune to fear in his aura.  With a free hand, he made a STR roll and pulled the tiara off.  And like that, it was over.  One missed stunning fist save between victory and TPK.  It’s a crazy razor’s edge world at 10^th level. 

The tiara offered fabulous power if Kharn would only put it on but fortunately, he was still next to Ezra.  He put it into the jewelry box that Loki was carrying and we gave it to Ezra.  We returned the monkey.  Blintzsky was grateful and offered to reward us.  When we asked for useful items such as see invisible or water breathing, he said he only made novelty items.  He did agree to make some disguise costumes so that we could walk around Valaki.  It would take several days to make one.  Not sure how long for many since most of us were wanted.  We (mostly Paul) picked and picked at trying to find anything useful in this place.  Eventually, we managed to get a couple things.  We got a gun that did decent damage.  Its range was 5/100 but it would give Ezra a ranged attack.  There was a jack in the box that Mord gave him for safekeeping.  We thought it was probably a magic jar but didn’t have to courage to open it.  Deferred.  What we did find was the spell book of the wizard who was in the tiara.  It had a few spells of each level all the way up to Maze at 8^th.  And See Invisible, I think.  We decided to take a long rest before leaving on the ship.  So, we’ll probably spend the first few hours next time, asking more questions that will go unanswered and looking for more useless treasure.